Stepping Off A Cliff

I've been doing some reading lately, and I'm starting to look at my life differently because of it. Somehow, Ted Dekker's books point my vision to a place beyond what I can see, to a world of possibilities and the kingdom of God. Reading his books makes me hungry for something more in my life, and I realize that even though I think I'm doing well following God, there's still a little more of me that I can give up and a little more of Him that I need. Okay, a lot more.

As I sit here typing, I'm thinking of the morning I just had. I actually read a bit from my bible at breakfast this morning, and I came across this verse: "If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life" (Matthew 16:25). Then, as I ate my lunch later on, I was reading Olive Shoots Around Your Table by John Visser (which my ladies' group is doing a study on), and I came across the same verse.

Gradually, as I looked around my kitchen, seeing the pot of coffee warming, the cupcakes cooling on the stovetop, the dishes by the sink waiting to be washed, the cabinet full of knick knacks and bowls of fruit, I started to see past the ordinary things that I view every day. In essence, I started to look past the happy, complacent feeling I get when I survey my domain, and I started to want something else. Something far more, and yet somehow, far less. I wanted the kingdom of God. I wanted to push past the ordinary and live an extraordinary life.

I'm not sure how to do that, though. Do we pick up and move to a mud hut in the middle of the jungle? Do I do a major de-cluttering session and donate everything to charity? I have a feeling that the answer is something much more intangible, much less simple, and much more frightening. To put it the way Ted Dekker did in A Man Called Blessed, I think I need to step off the cliff. I'm just not sure where the cliff is.

But suddenly, I really want to find it. It's like God has pulled back a veil from my eyes and my heart, and the desire for his kingdom is becoming stronger than my desire for a safe, comfortable life. I don't know what's happening to me exactly, but I'm excited. And I'm praying that whatever He's doing in my heart, He'll keep going.